Is failure an option? Can I really go back and just be ordinary? Can I settle now that I've gotten a glimpse of what it could be like, now that I've started to smell the aroma coming down the mountain? I am tired. I am scared. I am confused and I know I have so much farther to go. It will get darker. It will be more frightening. But if I give up and turn back now? Can I give up on this dream? The vision God gave me? Can I quit?I will fail. I can't quit. I will try. I will push onward into my fears all the time crying,“Lord Jesus save me.”
One year ago, I wrote those words. I
had set a deadline to have all the funding necessary for this
project. February 28th 2012. I didn't meet that goal and
so these words were penned in the failure of my goal and what looked like to me the end of the line.
Today, I read those words from an
entirely different place. I know that that only a few days after penning those words, I would be invited to start the project filming in Guinea and that despite my apparent lack of funding I would travel to Cote d'Ivoire in September.
So far this project has been a great
success. Videos are being produced, shot, and edited. Stories are
being told. Today, I am living the dream and continually find myself
looking at my life and saying, “My life is awesome.” But reading
those words of fear and failure, reminds me that the they still ring true. So today I say:
I have succeeded, but is failure far away? Can I still mess this up? Can I settle into an easy way of doing things, now that I've started up the mountain? I am tired. I am scared. I am confused and I know I have so much farther to go. It will get darker. It will be more frightening. But if I give up and turn back now? Can I give up on this dream? This vision that God gave me? Can I quit?I will succeed. I can't quit. I will continue. I will push onward into my fears all the time crying,“Lord Jesus save me.”
