Thursday, January 6, 2011

What If ...

            I found myself walking through the snow one evening, the gentle flakes falling slowly and dancing in the street lights.  The city sounds were dampened by the snow and even my footsteps seemed distant.  My friend and I had just left the movie theatre and had the pleasant sensation of seeing the world entirely changed.  The street we had seen only a few hours ago had been covered by this ethereal white blanket.
Still warm from the theatre and the joy of our winter surprise, my friend turned to me and said, “You know, if the zombie apocalypse came in winter we’d all be screwed.”
We spent the next hour planning our Winter Zombie Survival Strategy, which for your information involves a snowplow, TJ Max, and Wal-Mart.  I know it seems ridiculous.  Well actually it is.  This wasn’t the first time that I’ve debated with my friend about zombie survival strategy and I would be surprised if it was the last.
Whether the undead are going to come and eat my brains tomorrow doesn’t really change much about my life today.  I still have work to do, friends to meet and blogs to write.  Trying to plan for the theoretical attack of a mythical creature is…well…absurd.
But the same logic applies to other areas.  I like to plan.  That’s a nice way to say that I worry and obsess.  If I do or don't do this how will they re-act?  What did she mean when she said that?  If I change this to that what will be the effect? What should I say?  Why did this happen?  What will happen tomorrow if they do?  How am I going to make this happen?  What if?  How? Why?
At the beginning of every summer camp session, they give a short talk about emergency procedures.  In the event that this building is on fire meet here.  If a tornado comes don’t go outside.  If someone is bleeding get help.  It’s all common sense really, but then they always ask, “Are there any questions?”  Without fail someone asks something along these lines, “If the building we are in is on fire and we go to the safety spot and then a tornado comes and makes us go to the secondary safety building and then a purple dragon comes and sets that building on fire and then that dragon starts wrestling with the lake monster and destroys the third safety spot where do we go?” 
Most of the time, the questions I obsessively try to answer aren’t answerable.  Not only are the questions impossible to answer, if I did have the answers they would have very little affect.  I can’t predict the future and trying to answer what will happen tomorrow or interpret the motives of others and their consequences is …well...
…like planning for the Zombie Apocalypse…in winter.